A Knife to my Throat
I suspected this was coming. Yesterday I felt abnormal tightness in my throat. Aspirin, two at a time were taken throughout the day.
In a semi conscious mental fog around 5 AM I felt a persistent stab of pain. Well, it’s not the first time that I’ve had a sore throat. I was well acquainted with that kind of pain as a kid.
What is the difference between the pain caused by swollen glands in the throat, and the edge of a knife blade pressed to the throat? It’s no speculation that the discomfort caused by the weapon is a sign that behind the tool, is a purpose, a demand, a proposition. Do as requested, hand over the object of request,–or die. Existentially the difference between the two sensations is vast. The infection in my throat is unlikely to kill me. Nature is doing what Nature does. A colony of microbes opportunistically is causing inflammation. Unlike humans Nature doesn’t care, has no interests. I am grateful that Nature doesn’t care, that I am not the object of intentional pursuit. I care that Nature doesn’t care.
Perhaps the sensation of pain though is much the same in both cases. The discomfort in my throat triggers a reaction to seek relief. Give the bully-with-the-knife what he demands, negotiate with him if judgment indicates that might help, or resist and prepare to die. Perhaps you can think of additional possible strategies?
With the sore throat: take more aspirin, have another Ricola throat drop, and return to bed.
Thankfully it’s just a sore throat.
Call it Nature if you will,
Though everything that is is natural—
The lignite bearing earth, the factory,
A darkness taller than the sky—
This out-of-doors that wins us our release
And temporary peace—
Not because it is pristine or pretty,
But because it has no pity or self pity.
—A. E. Stallings