Hero Of My Own Life
Thinking about Ennui.
It becomes clear that a response to ignorance, to the ill-will of sexism, to racism, to homophobia, and to tribalism, is to withdraw from excruciating pain. Ennui is the response of shock, an inward cringing, a “just too much” at the horror. This is a normal, healthy sign that one remains human.
Here are some thoughts, what others have written about the human experience of suffering. To be alive is to suffer. The entire point is — what one does, or doesn’t do with pain.
Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. —Fyodor Dostoevsky
What matters most is how well you walk through the fire. —Charles Bukowski
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. —Albert Camus
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you. —L.R. Knost
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. —Kenji Miyazawa
The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places. —Ernest Hemingway
I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life – and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do. —Georgia O’Keeffe
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final. —Rainer Maria Rilke
There’s never too much music. This one by Queen and Davie Bowie, Under Pressure, underlines our reflections.
One thought on “Hero Of My Own Life”
I was struck this morning with a thought that, on the surface, seems to be wildly obvious. Mentioning it here, someone might say, “Well, of course!” But I’m writing it down anyway.
My feelings about the world and how I perceive what I consider to be beneficial attitudes versus behavior that I view as extremely destructive to the potential of the human race avoiding even greater catastrophic events in the near future. One might boil it down to an individual’s perception of the manifestation of good and evil, though those terms are so subjective the notions don’t make a whole lot of pragmatic sense.
In that regard I was thinking about how my sensibilities fall into an arena of inclusion, kindness, tolerance, and empathy whereas I view many of those who have a very different point of view as greedy, ignorant, self-centered, myopic, and cruel. The revelation (which I noted is more than obvious) is that those people who I see as the embodiment of “evil” fully believe they are the good ones and people such as myself are the evil, destructive ones that are usurping the best of humanity for our own nefarious beliefs.
And so the overarching questions that has been asked multiple millions of times, is: How do we find common ground, how do even speak with one another, how do we coalesce around the problems facing our continued existence if we can’t even remotely agree on what those problems are in the first place? Of course we can discuss non-non-controvertial issues such as the weather or sports, but where does ultimately lead? [hint-nowhere]
Asking these questions of ourselves does lead to that feeling of ennui, like reaching the barrier on a Dead End street with no way of turning around. We become debilitated, tired, melancholy, and worn out. There is no magic bullet solution. My guess is that, as the quotes above point out, we must find the capacity for positivity within ourselves. It may not improve the world at large, but it will make your/my life more fulfilling. Ultimately, there is only so much any individual can accomplish.
I wish I could internalize that sentiment for it makes a great deal of sense. But alas, for me personally, I can’t shake my own vision of the dystopian path we are on, I can’t turn my head so that I don’t see the cruelty and selfishness that surrounds us. I want to have an understanding and even empathy for those who see me as evil, but I cannot let go of the notion that “I am right” in the perspective I have for humanity’s salvation. It’s crazy. WTF.