Marriage
Marriage. Men ought to think more on this topic, and say much less. We (males) are without a clue on the matter.
Nietzsche, a scholar with a razor wit, writes in his ironic style to treat marriage. Notwithstanding his notable failure at love. Nietzsche met Lou Andreas-Salomé in Rome in 1882. He was instantly enraptured with the Russian-born intellectual. Nietzsche perceived Salomé to be his intellectual equal and proposed to her three times. She rejected his proposals, but they remained friends and intellectual collaborators. After Nietzsche passed Salomé authored a book entitled Nietzsche, writing about the poetic, psychological, religious, and mystical dimensions of his work. She was one of the first female psychologists.
“So how has it worked out, your marriage?” the reader is inclined to ask.
So far it is working out, but it has been, and is a “work in progress.”
Here are some of Nietzsche’s wry insights on marriage. He writes from the only viewpoint available, that of a male. Tighten your seat belts to the conclusion that he draws. Its not as pessimistic as you’d think!
Yes, I would that the earth shook with convulsions
when a saint and a goose mate with one another.
Is he ironically fantasizing that nature itself might warn us when as is often the case a relationship that is foredoomed to fail is consummated by marriage? At the moment of promise, of the “I do” who is not blind to the future?
1) This one went forth in quest of truth as a hero,
and at last got for himself a small decked-up lie:
his marriage he calls it.
2) That one was reserved in intercourse and chose optimally.
But one time he spoiled his company for all time:
his marriage he calls it.
3) Another sought a handmaid with the virtues of an angel.
But all at once he became the handmaid of a woman,
and now would he needs also
to become an angel.
Three credible examples of not uncommon types of marriages which everyone has observed!
Careful, have I found all buyers,
and all of them have astute eyes.
But even the most astute of them
buys his wife in a sack.
This seems to be a Nietzsche ‘warning label’ that he’d want all males to read when the idea of “Maybe we ought to be married?’ occurs. ‘Caveat emptor!’ Checking the quality of the goods is your responsibility alone, – except that you can’t!
Many short follies – that is called love by you.
And your marriage puts
an end to many short follies,
with one long stupidity.
…But even your best love
is only an enraptured simile and a painful fervor.
It is a torch to light you to loftier paths.
Beyond yourselves shall you love some day!
Then learn first of all to love.
And on that account
you had to drink the bitter cup of your love.
Bitterness is in the cup even of the best love;
thus does it cause longing for the Overman;
thus does it cause thirst in you, the creating one!
“A torch to light you to loftier paths” is by no means pessimistic. A promise of lifelong association as a vehicle, an enlightenment to an authentic, a more autonomous version of you!? But first, come the lessons entailed in learning how to love, a skill-set that is difficult indeed! This is characterized as “a bitter cup.” And this, this bitter cup is your “best love.”
Thirst in the creating one,
arrow and longing for the Overman:
tell me, my brother, is this your will to marriage?
I call such a will Holy, and such a marriage.
In short, the most difficult of journeys, that of marriage, prompts one to aspire to become Overman. Nietzsche says this manner of will is sacred!
–Thus spoke Zarathustra.
Thus Spake Zarathustra, by Friedrich Nietzsche, trans. by Thomas Common, Child and Marriage No. 20
There’s always a song to light the path forward! Smoke Gets In Your Eyes by The Platters makes today’s point to perfection:
3 thoughts on “Marriage”
Haven’t gone through this process of either being in love, or thinking of being in love as a male is greatly one of expectation. I’ve always thought that females have stronger emotions and are more likely to act on them, but now I’m convinced that their first feeling is to be responded to the same kind of feelings and expectations that maybe I was less likely to act upon.. when I saw Nichi’s idea of a quest, I almost immediately thought of the word conquest as a male counterpart. At another point in this piece, a female in my looking back was allowed by me to become the superior of the two of us in the relationship, whether it began as a marriage or a friendship or a departure unfulfilled. And then the most important question of all has always been how to love. There are so many degrees of love, but how to give that much that much to another person of yourself.? That is the question and maybe that’s why I failed three times
How many emotions and expectations need to be met in order for any two persons to truly connect at any level of a relationship, most especially between a male and female? Knowing that this piece was more from the side of an overly logical or rational being first and then seemingly emotional secondarily? When I saw the word “quest,” I immediately thought about myself converting it into the word “conquest,” as if to suggest as though the female expects me to make the first move? Is that what Nietzsche’s Zarathustra would have thought and felt? Would my next move to allow the female to take control of “our” relationship? Having never even dated, how unprepared was I to offer my self-control to another person based on feelings alone? How, in fact, to love?
Are we creatures essentially monogamous? Or are we, by nature, polyamorous? It’s difficult to tell if our ancient ancestors mated for life, like the pair of geese mentioned above, or more like our cousins the bonobos who engage in sexual orgies.
How much are we driven by our libidos, erroneous mistaking that drive for love? So when taken into account that we want to procreate, when the modern iteration of humankind pledges themselves to another, what is that driving force? Cultural and societal mores clearly have a huge impact on our behavioral patterns, so how does this fit into the vows we take before our friends and relatives?
Personally I know that I have found a friend with whom I can spend each day without rancor. Someone who shares a sensibility about the world at large and who puts up with the likes of me. That’s pretty good. I’ll take that as a successful marriage.