Plague Journal, Refusing To Look Away
Strangely,
all of what you do depends
on who you think you are.
Just who do you think
you are anyway?
You are everyone who ever was
and everyone who ever will be.
Decisions that you make in what we call this present –
this here and now – will validate (or invalidate)
everything
that has gone before, and make possible
(or impossible)
all that is yet to come.
This is your moment
your special time to proclaim…
your story
whispered first against a backdrop
of noise
and sweat
and confusion;
shouted into long silent corridors
of hope, and finally
carried to the furthest limits
of awareness…
Your story
told…if you honestly confront your humanity,
seeing the nightmare and the dream,
refusing to look away…
told in software code;
and political discourse;
the imagery of photography and drama;
the wild free epiphany of rhythm and harmony;
to be seized by “god” is fierce, terrible, and beautiful.
Adapted from Return of the Wolf by Martin Bell
Who is Martin Bell? Bell, an Episcopal priest, was a nationally-known lecturer, author, and accomplished musician. He held a position of senior partner in The Wittlinger Agency, a private detective firm specializing in criminal defense investigation and location of missing persons. He was also chaplain to the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor. Bell died at age 71, January 18, 2009.
I found these lines yesterday. I first read them many years ago, perhaps in the early 90s. I copied them down for safekeeping for a future time. Somehow, unaccountably, that future time is now.
What do they mean in everyday language? These lines insist that each of us is a pivot point of history. My actions will have determinative, lasting effect, changing indelibly the course of history. My actions, depend upon one thing, that one thing is my grasp upon the self that I am. Who do I think that I am? Who do you think you are as well? Every single action that I take today, will come from that source of thinking/feeling of my identity. My acts will affirm or will invalidate the choices of past generations, and of those to come.
This is neither good news or bad news. The news is that you matter, that I matter, that you and I create the future,… This is just the news as it is. If, to the extent that we own our role as imperfect, suffering, uncertain, human creators, — then we shall write or draw or teach or build or compose a beautiful, serendipitous, unimagined story.
So, in the face of a pandemic that is just beginning to rage, even as as President, defeated by popular vote, aims to retain his tyrannical hold by pushing his claim before a supreme court which he appointed for this day — by all means say “yes” to the future.
Live!
What about a song? Of course.
Who Are You
by The Who
Who are you? Who, who, who, who?
Who are you? Who, who, who, who?
Who are you? Who, who, who, who?
I woke up in a Soho doorway
A policeman knew my name
He said, “You can go sleep at home tonight
If you can get up and walk away.”
I staggered back to the underground
And the breeze blew back my hair
I remember throwin’ punches around
And preachin’ from my chair
Well, who are you?
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
I really wanna know
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Tell me, who are you?
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
‘Cause I really wanna know
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
I took the tube back out of town
Back to the Rollin’ Pin
I felt a little like a dying clown
With a streak of Rin Tin Tin
I stretched back and I hiccuped
And looked back on my busy day
Eleven hours in the Tin Pan
God, there’s got to be another way
Well, who are you?
(who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Oh, who are you?
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Come on tell me who are you?
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Alright who the fuck are you?
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Who are you?
Who are you? Who, who, who, who?
Who are you? Who, who, who, who?
Who are you? Who, who, who, who?
Who are you? Who, who, who, who?
I really wanna know
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
I really wanna know
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Come on tell me who are you
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
‘Cause I really wanna know
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
I know there’s a place you walked
Where love falls from the trees
My heart is like a broken cup
I only feel right on my knees
I spit out like a sewer hole
Yet still receive your kiss
How can I measure up to anyone now
After such a love as this?
Well, who are you?
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Come on tell me who are you
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Oh, I really wanna know
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Tell me tell me who are you
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Come on come on
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Ah who the fuck are you?
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Who are you?
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Oh tell me who are you
(Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
I really wanna know
Oh, I really wanna know
Come on tell me who are you, you, you, you
2 thoughts on “Plague Journal, Refusing To Look Away”
“In chaos theory, the butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state,” from Wikipedia.
Not to take too much exception to today’s notion of interdependence, my belief is that your notions are just as viable as are the opposite. That we have almost no influence on the future. In examining the fictional story filmed for It’s a Wonderful Life, which supports your supposition, yet what if Jimmy Stewart’s character had never been born and Bedford Falls had become Pottersville. Would it have changed the world? Would our country still have interfered in Vietnam? Would the Berlin wall still have come down? We would as a country still elected a despot as our leader? I would say yes, that none of that would have been altered. Perhaps individual lives might have gone in a slightly different direction. Perhaps some who died would have lived and vice versa.
The question really comes down to our fate as a species. Do (or did) the individual actions of each human being move he overall chess pieces to make a lasting difference in our trajectory. I think not. It is a nice notion to believe we can effect significant change with regard to our collective future, but I think that is delusional. As noted by many philosophers, we are egotistical at heart and are easily swayed into seeing ourselves as critical to the world around us.
We are but a single star in the firmament of the universe. Whether we burn bright or fizzle out makes no difference, for in the end the universe will be what it is. It will either reinvent itself, or flicker out, regardless of the flapping of a butterfly’s wings.
Our individual world is relegated to stay within arm’s reach. This means that we can have an impact on the lives of family and those whose orbit is connected to our own world. Life can be better or worse dependent upon our kindness or cruelty to those we come into contact with, but that is as far as it goes. If we were able to accept those limitations, I believe we would all be happier critters. I know I would be.
A delusion or a necessary illusion? There’s no way to tell upon which ought to bet one’s life. The difference is real, it seems to me.
Your reference to ‘Its A Wonderful Life’ as a important ‘thought experiment’ that provokes possible alternative conclusions is apt. We know that individual actions make a difference in one’s immediate circle, as you indicate. What is not known is how contagious over the long run those actions could prove to be. Goodness and evil are not abstractions, but form the texture of societies. How far does our agency propagate?
The point of the words by Martin Bell is to suggest that agency is equivalent to world-creation, which is the kernel of the concept of god.