She was thirty years old.

Several days ago report of a suicide on my iphone feed caught my attention. The age of the individual prompted me to read further.

She was a North Carolinian, my home state. Chosen Miss America 2019, she was a civil attorney who did free legal work for people unjustly sentenced.  She was licensed to practice law in two states.

For her last question in the final Miss USA round, Kryst was asked whether the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements had gone too far.
“I don’t think these movements have gone too far,” she said. “What #MeToo and #TimesUp are about are making sure that we foster safe and inclusive workplaces in our country.
“As an attorney, that’s exactly what I want to hear, and that’s exactly what I want for this country.”

– CNN

Cheslie Kryst jumped from a building in Manhattan.

I shudder to consider what would cause an educated 30 year old individual to end their life. I can not judge the right of anyone to live or not to live.  Choosing with deliberate intent to bring an end to your life, aware of the sorrow entailed for those left behind, is a decision that leaves me without words.  My reason suggests – the act of suicide and the inevitable suffering caused is believed less terrible than the suffering entailed in continuing to live…

I have not followed this story in detail. Further detail is unnecessary.  I already feel sadness for someone that I did not know.

I heard another report that Cheslie Kryst suffered from emotional illness.

When I was a young adult about the same age in fact, I remember the years of depression that welled up inside of my psyche.  I was lucky.  Surrounded by a supportive community, I was not crushed by the social stigma that a persistent mental illness can bring.  I made it with much help.  The process took years. Those years were a living hell. There is no standard form of mental illness — for each person the type and the severity is individual.

I am sad for her, and I think that I understand.

To get help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). There is also a crisis text line. For crisis support in Spanish, call 1-888-628-9454.

To read the entire CNN story CLICK HERE.

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Canticle

By Wendell Berry

What death means is not this –
the spirit, triumphant in the body’s fall,
praising its absence, feeding on music.

If life can’t justify and explain itself,
death can’t justify and explain it.
A creed and a grave never did equal life
of anything. Yellow flowers sprout in the clefts
of ancient stones at the beginning of April.
The black clothes of priests are turned
against the frail yellow of sunlight and petal;
they wait in their blackness to earn joy
by dying. They trust that nothing holy is free,
and so their lives are paid. Money slots
in the altar rails make a jukebox of the world,
the mind paying its gnawed coins for the
safety of ignorance.