How To Die In A Ditch By The Road

January 8, 2017 Jerry King Comments 2 comments

The following story is contributed by a good friend and writer.

Once upon a time in a land not so far away, two hale gentlemen went for a walk in the country. One hardy fellow went by the name of Gareth whilst the other bore the odd moniker of Tobias. Both were jaunty and in fine spirits on this glorious day in mid August as they set out on nothing other than a lark.

They strolled along a rutted road and as they did they spoke of the world and its wonders, laughing now and then and congratulating each other on their fine senses of humor.

Then Tobias spotted a herd of what he believed were cows with brown and white spots upon their hides.

“Look”, said Tobias to his friend Gareth, “why, it is a fine herd of brown and white cows.”

“Tis not” said Gareth as he stared in the same direction as Tobias. “These creatures are clearly a bevy of aardvarks.”

“AARDVARKS?” questioned his friend. “Are you daft? These be not aardvarks, but cows. Tis as clear as day. They have spots and udders. Aardvarks with udders? Tis lunacy”

“Only an idiot would believe these be anything but Aardvarks,” replied Gareth. “Be thee blind or a fool?”

“Neither,” said Tobias, “Let us just be on our way and drop this nonsense.”

“Fine” responded his friend.

And so they continued their journey down the road until they came upon another field.

“Now there’s a fine sight. A glorious field of sheep,” stated Gareth pointing across a fence by the side of the road.

“Not again,” sighed Tobias, “This flock of pink flamingos has no semblance to sheep. There be no wool, no four legs, no bleating. Thou must never have seen sheep, for these be birds.”

“MADNESS!” cried Gareth, “These be sheep, future mutton if I have even seen a living creature.”

And they began to hurl insults at each other, before coming to blows and bludgeoning one another into a pulp of flesh and bone.

Whilst ‘cross the fence the Giraffes moved on into the forest behind the field neither aware of nor caring about the two humans who lay bleeding and breathing their last breath in a ditch by the road.

If there a moral be, tis that Sheep are not Flamingos and Flamingos not Sheep, though neither be Giraffes and those who speak the language of one hath not the desire to hearest the other. And so it be for all time.

Coda

And so it be for all time…………………..