A provocative discussion last night…  A group of us considered the role of emotion in decision making.  A decision is assumed to be the outcome of reason, the action of the mind to assess facts, the “truth value” of experience, including information received from 2nd hand sources.

Is not one’s life a composite of assumptions learned from parents, teachers, and those informal associations encountered on our journey?  What complex of ideas lie beneath the surface of my style of decision making?  Where or from whom did each of those assumptions originate?  I wish that I could sort through my library of beliefs, to examine the label on the flyleaf that would disclose the person or place where my sense-of-things shifted.

One long held assumption, comes to mind.  Decisions are acts of my will, freely exercised; it is up to me to “do the right thing.”  Somehow I doubt this long held proposition.  Decisions are not made so easily.  As expressed by Glenn Frey and Don Henley‘s lyric of the Eagle’s song Desperado:

And freedom, oh freedom well, that’s just some people talkin’…

Free will as a property of the individual seems absurd now as I think about the course of my life.  Also, I’ve heard those stories told by others.  You know the tales of failed relationships that could not be sustained, no matter the exertion of will power.  “Freedom” is not some inalienable right, a blessing and a burden that one is born with…

It seems to me, the extent to which I feel free, is the extent to which I am supported, am listened to, and receive care from others.

Life is a matter of receiving and offering and receiving and offering …..a circle of solicitude.  Without end!

This question echos again:  Today am I standing in that “circle” of reciprocal care?

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I like this tune by Bonnie Raitt, I Can’t Make You Love Me.  A great deal to consider here; some mountains are not ours to move…

I Can’t Make You Love Me

By Bonnie Raitt

Turn down the lights;
Turn down the bed.
Turn down these voices
Inside my head.

Lay down with me;
Tell me no lies.
Just hold me close;
Don’t patronize.

Don’t patronize me.

–Chorus:

‘Cuz I can’t make you love me
If you don’t.
You can’t make your heart feel
Something it won’t.
Here in the dark
In these final hours,
I will lay down my heart
And I’ll feel the power;
But you won’t.
No, you won’t.
‘Cuz I can’t make you love me
If you don’t.

I’ll close my eyes,
Then I won’t see
The love you don’t feel
When you’re holding me.

Morning will come,
And I’ll do what’s right;
Just give me till then
To give up this fight.

And I will give up this fight.

–Chorus