Wednesday comes as another “bonus” day. To be alive, in order to self-reflect is a miracle, an improbable event.

As the years click by, I attempt to assess the way I have come, to reflect upon those I have known and how circumstances have constrained us, and will continue to do so. Many have been taken in another direction by the current of surrounding circumstance. Some have left. I mean to say have died.

How much is responsive, as if there’s someone behind the wheel, grasping some mechanism that “makes a difference”… Might I have played my hand differently in times past? At this juncture I have little confidence that things could have been any different, could have been otherwise.

I have been seduced by the illusion of control, or said with a sharp-edged metaphor: freedom of the will. That I am “will” I cannot deny. What am I – if not a rolling mass (or mess) of desire? Will yes, but “free” seems a wildly impossible ideal.

Still that is a desideratum which I can hardly do without! To be and to be free is “the conundrum”!

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Let there be music! In the ecstasy of melody and lyric but for a moment I can glimpse what is meant by freedom! A respite from the madness that swirls around us.

Love Will Find A Way by Pablo Cruise.