December 31st of 2021.

No regrets or sadness to see 2021 recede into the past.  Do not all events end up in “the past?”  Surely we do not mean a closet, located somewhere we do not know, a frozen storage locker for everything with a locked door.  I read once that the past, or history if you will, is like old issues of National Geographic piling up all around us.  I think that is the truth.  We are not rid of history. History is in part my doing and part your doing.  Nothing is lost.

The story

has “made us” what in the present, layer upon layer, became this (always changing) individual that I am.  That present, is a razors edge of awareness, that pivot point of consciousness rapidly becoming the past.  My responses to events, to people, to accident, to random surprise, and the responses of all who have ever lived — in unaccountable ways accrue to constitute the self that writes these words.  That sounds paradoxical, almost the elimination of agency, of freedom.  I wrestle with the calculus, of untangling our freedom and our responsibility, from the inevitably of fate, the constraints of human nature and circumstance.

I read this account in the New York Times of an event occurring on a past New Years eve.

On Dec. 30, 1862, Union troops near Murfreesboro, Tenn., played “Yankee Doodle” and “Hail Columbia.” Their Confederate foes answered with “Dixie,” and the two sides ended the night playing “Home, Sweet Home” together. The battle that followed, fought between New Year’s Eve and Jan. 2, 1863, was among the war’s deadliest.

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When sleep is difficult sometimes it is worthwhile to read.  Last night I began to read The Ethics of Ambiguity by Simone de Beauvior.  I finished 35 pages of the chapter entitled Ambiguity and Freedom.  de Beauvior is a philosopher who writes lucidly.  A reader often comes upon elegant expression.

She references the Stoics attempt to preserve human freedom, by negating immovable obstacles, our failed projects by counseling acceptance.  The author observes Stoicism “saves” freedom by emptying it of content and truth, by making freedom an abstraction.  Fair enough.  Yet, I think the Stoic writers have much to contribute for our contemplation.  For example, this meditation on the words of Epictetus:

Here you are today, staring down the barrel of 2022. And while the best time to demand the best for and of yourself was years ago, the second best time is right now. Put the missed opportunity behind you and repeat this passage from Epictetus,

“From now on, then, resolve to live as a grown-up who is making progress, and make whatever you think best a law that you never set aside. And whenever you encounter anything that is difficult or pleasurable, or highly or lowly regarded, remember that the contest is now: you are at the Olympic Games, you cannot wait any longer, and that your progress is wrecked or preserved by a single day and a single event.”

Can you do that? Can you start right now? No more putting stuff off. No more, “I’ll start on Monday.” No more “in the future, I’ll do better and expect better.” No. Demand the best for yourself now.

https://dailystoic.com/

Be well and happy New Year!