Remembering
In Japan many homes have a feature that is called in direct translation, a god-shelf, or kami-dana in Japanese. This feature, a wooden shelf placed in a wall niche, is used for placement of pictures of the deceased, and on occasion a burning candle, and food offering. I thought this odd when I lived there. The practice was so Buddhist/Shinto, understandable from a historical and cultural perspective. I did not feel an emotional connection to the practice which was not surprising. Raised a Christian fundamentalist I could not fathom the value in remembering loved ones who had passed on in such a manner. After all, were not they in heaven?
Many years have passed. Life has changed me in ways that I did not foresee. Christian fundamentalism, Biblical literalism seems strange, indefensible to me now. Experiences from my two-year sojourn in Japan often come back to memory. I remembered the kami-dana recently, a dignified memorial to parents, a brother or sister, a friend maybe, or most tragically a child. A child’s death is the most tragic of all. If you visit a 19th century graveyard you will be shocked at the number of gravestones marking the graves of children. Death visits us all.
On December 29 of 2017 I lost a grand child. She was still born. Our daughter had a normal pregnancy. We delighted in the growth of the child, and she was anticipated with great excitement. A few days before the due date the shocking news came. Baby Kai had passed.
So we have this memorial in our home. She was loved before she was born. She contributed much to our family. Our daughter and her partner have grieved deeply for her. And we have our place of remembrance for her before our fireplace. The wooden rocking chair was mine as a child, The two lambs and the child’s toy block are placed in the chair surrounded with ivy as a blessing to our beloved grand daughter.
May she rest in peace: baby Kai Ruby Lewis-King.
